“People often have a distorted view of our day,” Danielle begins. The walls of the HEMA office in Wijchen are covered with team photos and reminders of the company’s values. “They think we’re together all the time. Of course, we work closely together, but we’re both busy with our own responsibilities, so we usually don’t see each other during the day.” Rolf and Danielle jointly run two HEMA stores and Young People Living, a housing project for young people in the municipality of Wijchen. Their goal is to roll out the Young People Living concept across all municipalities in the Netherlands. Currently, Rolf is focusing on the housing project while Danielle manages the stores. Few relationships are as intense as marriage and the bond between business partners; a combination of the two comes with its own unique challenges.
Insight 1
Differences are actually a good thing
Rolf:
“Danielle is so steady. She keeps our lives on track, whereas I—I think—would completely lose my way on my own. I tend to take on all kinds of projects at once.”
“On the other hand, I can really go all out. When I set my mind to something, I’m incredibly energetic, and nothing can stop me from achieving my goal.”
Danielle:
“That wasn’t the question, was it? She asked us to describe each other’s traits, not our own.”
Rolf:
“You are definitely our anchor.”
Danielle:
“Well, I think…”
Rolf:
“Are you going to tell us something about yourself now?”
Danielle:
“Yes, then I’ll tell you something about myself, too. I think it’s really important to keep things calm at home and keep everything in order, for ourselves and for the kids. I need that to be able to function. So I understand why you say I’m the anchor. I find your perseverance admirable. When you have something in mind, you go for it. It doesn’t matter how it happens. Sometimes I do have to remind you that you still have ongoing projects and can’t just dive headfirst into a new one.”
Rolf:
“We have the same intentions, but we express them differently.”
Danielle:
“I think that in a
relationship—whether business or personal—it’s important to share the same goal while also bringing different qualities to the table. Two of the same is nothing. That’s the essence of our relationship: balance. If Rolf were just like me, we would never have gone through all those developments, and if I were just like Rolf, we’d be juggling a thousand things at once, and I don’t know what the outcome of that would be.”
Insight 2
Everything can be managed
Rolf:
“When you start a business together, it’s mainly a matter of learning the ropes at first. In the first year, we had to learn what it really means to make a commitment and take care of people.”
Danielle:
“We never went on vacation back then either.”
Rolf:
“We didn’t think it was possible.”
Danielle:
“Us?! Hold on a second.”
Rolf:
“Well, I didn’t think it was possible. I thought: as an entrepreneur, you don’t just go on vacation, do you? You can’t just leave the business behind like that, can you? Impossible.”
Danielle:
“Then we got married, and I asked, ‘Are we going on a honeymoon?’ He said, ‘No, what do you have in mind? That’s just not going to happen.’ In the end, I managed to coax a three-day road trip to France out of him.”
Rolf:
“Yes, that was really stupid. In that situation, I felt incredibly small. The sense of self you manage to cultivate shapes how you view everything in life. At that moment, I saw my company as enormous. In comparison, I was just a tiny little figure. I thought I might actually die if something went wrong with the company. That possibility felt too overwhelming for me to even go on vacation. But as you grow as a person, your organization doesn’t shrink—you just start seeing things from a completely different perspective. Now we know that everything can be managed or delegated, and that if something does go wrong, someone on the team will always figure out how to fix it.”
Danielle:
“And then you have to imagine that our company was much smaller back then than it is now.”
Insight 3
You'll achieve more if you focus on what you can contribute
Rolf:
“What really made a difference for me was realizing what I give and what I take in a relationship. Anyone can write pages and pages about what’s missing in their relationship. And if you focus on that long enough, you’ll come to the conclusion that you’d be better off ending it. At the same time, if you look at what you can bring to the relationship, you can make a long list too. But not everyone does that.”
Danielle:
“The fact that he went on vacation with us anyway is a good example of this. I thought it was important for us to go away together, but Rolf didn’t.”
Rolf:
“I knew that would make her incredibly happy. A lot of people forget to ask each other that, by the way. Just taking a moment to pause and ask: what would really make you happy right now? Asking that and then taking action can mean so much for your relationship, but why don’t so many people do it? Why do we forget to ask each other real questions? For example: what’s your biggest wish right now, or what’s your biggest concern? It’s so simple, but it’s done too rarely.”
Danielle:
“It might sound like we’ve only had ‘ups’ so far, but when you’ve been together for 23 years, that’s obviously not the case. Living together, being partners, having children, and running a business isn’t always easy. When our son was born, Rolf was pouring an enormous amount of time into expanding the company and a project for the municipality of Wijchen. He was working on it day and night. I couldn’t even have a normal conversation with him. Fortunately, our son was born on a Thursday, which was Rolf’s day off at the time; otherwise, to be honest, I don’t know if he would have been there.”
Rolf:
“I thought I was too busy. So busy that I left Danielle to take care of our child all by herself. At one point, she pointed out that I needed to be there for her and the baby, to which I replied, ‘I really don’t have time for that—just call your mom.’ Back then, I worried way too much about things that weren’t important. Setting concrete goals has really helped me avoid falling into that trap again. Because if you don’t have goals, everything feels important. You get swallowed up by the issues of the day.”
Insight 4
Rituals foster a sense of connection
Rolf:
“Danielle and I are constantly balancing the energy we put into the business and the energy we put into each other. Our business and our personal lives blend seamlessly together. That’s also where the biggest challenge lies. We have to be careful not to suddenly find ourselves lying next to each other in bed as business partners instead of husband and wife. You have to make time for each other in a marriage. Danielle always gets up at the same time as me—without exception. No matter how early my appointment is, we start every day by having a cup of coffee together. I think it’s important to have rituals and stick to them, no matter what happens.”
Danielle:
“When the kids were younger, Rolf would cook dinner, and we’d feed them first. Once the kids were in bed, the two of us would sit down to eat. That used to be our time together. Now the kids are at an age where they stay up later, so we have our time together in the early morning.”
Rolf:
“You have to actively seize opportunities; they don’t just fall into your lap. When and how you seize these opportunities changes over time. You have to talk about it and keep adapting, because life stages come and go. For example, the kids are always around us now and stay awake until nine at night, but there will come a time when they leave home. If you’re not prepared for that, you’ll suddenly be left with a feeling of ‘what now?’. Those are critical moments.”
We also make sure to celebrate our success together. Going on wonderful trips, dining out at great restaurants, renovating the house… Those are our rewards for success. We work hard, we achieve our goals, and then we make sure to enjoy the fruits of our labor. We don’t often dwell on the goals we achieve, because for us, success is more of a natural consequence of the work we put into the company. Don’t get me wrong: when we’ve completed an important project, we definitely pop open a bottle of bubbly, look at each other, and think: we pulled that off again. But usually, we celebrate our success by maintaining a certain standard of living and treating ourselves regularly.” ”
Insight 5
Regular meetings help you stay on track
Rolf:
“We discuss everything in the evenings at the kitchen table. We set aside specific times to sit down together and talk about our visions and plans. This is valuable, partly because we view things differently. Men and women simply see things differently. And when you give each other the space to do that, you arrive at new insights together. That’s how our division of roles within the organization came about. I realized that I wanted to leave something behind in the world, and to do that, I had to focus on Young People Living. This meant that Danielle also took on a new role and began handling some of my responsibilities. This decision was simply made one evening at the kitchen table. We definitely bring our work home with us—it’s almost impossible not to.”
Danielle:
“Sometimes people say to me, ‘Wow, so you’re married and you work together, too. Doesn’t that drive you completely crazy?’ Apparently, it’s rare for two people to live and run a business together successfully.”
Rolf:
“We don’t always see eye to eye. Sometimes things go wrong and we have to step in.”
Danielle:
“For example, if we’ve worked late into the night for several evenings in a row. Then I say, ‘And now we’re done. Now it’s time to relax or spend time with the kids.’ Otherwise, working together—which is normally our strength—becomes our downfall.”
Rolf:
“I tend to just keep going with everything, but you’re the one who brings me back down to earth. That’s happened quite often in the past. You’ll speak up, and we’ll sit down together to review each plan: Is this really necessary, and will it add value to our lives? If the answer is no, we’ll remove it from our schedule. That’s how we’ve deepened certain friendships while letting others fade away.”
Danielle:
“Yes, we agreed on that at the kitchen table, too.”
Rolf:
“Because we share so much with each other and are honest, everything can ultimately be resolved. That might just be the most valuable lesson I’ve learned from my relationship with Danielle. Being able to find solutions together is the greatest benefit of working together.”
