“Are you sure this is your first time here?” Ben asks. “It doesn’t feel like it. Maybe because we’ve spoken on the phone a few times while I was walking around here.” The building of the family-owned Fried van de Laar Group embodies what Ben and his brother Jan stand for. The glass walls of the management office are filled with reminders of their core values. The building incorporates the sustainable techniques and materials that they themselves offer as a construction company. Ben is just getting ready to leave the office. “I’ll be ‘off the grid’ for a bit at the end of next week,” the entrepreneur says a little later. “I’ll be in the desert of Saudi Arabia. For the Dakar.” Every year, Ben and Jan participate in the Dakar Rally: one of the most challenging and dangerous rallies in the world. Their father founded the Dakar team in 2013 and handed the wheel over to Jan three years later. Ben came on board not long after as a navigator.

Abrupt transfer

Fried van de Laar rests on an easel in the corner. His portrait looks straight into the office. In 1994, Fried started a contracting firm specializing in retail construction. Ben, Jan, and their sister were encouraged to make their own choices. Still, Fried involved them in the business from an early age. Ben knew early on that he would take over the business one day. That day just came sooner than planned.

“I had built my whole life around making my father proud,” says Ben. “Out of gratitude. I lost my mother when I was seventeen.” He usually made decisions based on what his parents would approve of. “I felt strongly that I had to do everything I could to make my parents proud. That was my driving force.” In 2018, Fried was diagnosed with cancer. Doctors gave him six months to live, which he ultimately managed to extend to 2.5 years. “When it became clear during my father’s illness that there was no chance of a cure, I thought: now the purpose that drives me is suddenly gone,” says Ben. “I had to reinvent myself.”

Battle Plan

The takeover was carried out at a rapid pace. When he was handed the keys, Ben had two choices: to take charge of himself and the company right then and there, or to let circumstances dictate the outcome. “I had to set the course for the future of the company, the employees, and their families,” says Ben. “During the first lockdown, there were sixty people in the cafeteria looking at me: ‘So, what now?’” Within a day, Ben and Jan drew up a plan. “Still feeling a bit awkward, I recorded a video in which I explained: this is where we stand, this is our battle plan, and we’re going to take the company through a transition to further expand one of our specializations. So that we can build our own projects to ensure your continuity. We’ll start that tomorrow.”

Fried van de Laar Construction became the Fried van de Laar Group. During the first lockdown, the brothers launched their own project management firm. They also founded Fried van de Laar Totaaltechniek so they could handle the electrical work for their construction projects in-house. This allowed them to work faster and stand out by offering their clients a more comprehensive, turnkey solution. “We used to think only in terms of Fried van de Laar Construction,” says Ben. “I thought: I have to keep building on my father’s company. That has changed now. One approach isn’t right and the other isn’t wrong. I can now simply make choices with peace of mind, because I know: I bear the responsibility for those choices myself.” When launching Fried van de Laar Totaaltechniek, the brothers didn’t hold back. “It’s been just a year, and there are already eighteen people working full-time.”

Triple B

Ben called the inner mindset he drew upon when making those decisions “Triple B.” In other words: Being Big Ben. “Simply put: a mature thirty-year-old man. I approach things with a sense of calm, don’t overthink them, and make them seem effortless. If I don’t have that inner mindset, I try too hard to rely on all the theory I’ve ever gathered. That’s been a part of me for a long time. Triple B helps me effectively convey a message, make choices, exude confidence, and clearly articulate a vision.”

It’s the framework Ben uses to organize his newly gained insights. That makes it simple and practical for him. “For example, I had a valuable insight during the last live session. So I connect that to what I’ve created for myself as Triple B. That’s how I build that powerful inner stance. You can give it a name, but you can also associate an image or a goal with it.”

Building rather than reaching

In the midst of the crisis, Ben started a business he’s now proud of. “I feel much more freedom now. Freedom to make mistakes, because they’re my mistakes. Before, I would have overthought them beforehand, because I thought: Dad would have something to say about that. And what you end up seeing is that, in the end, you often just don’t do it.” The entrepreneur has undergone a significant shift in his perspective in recent years. He realized that he had been creating an image of himself as a “snotty-nosed kid.” “As a young person, you’re actually always reaching for something. But at a certain point, a switch flipped for me, and I realized: I am already here, and now I’ll build from there. I think there are people who feel their whole lives that they have to reach for something to achieve anything. So age has nothing to do with it; it’s a conscious choice. There are sixty-year-olds who aren’t grown-ups yet.”

For Ben, ownership is all about who you are in the moment you make choices. “For me, it’s about consciously shaping myself. Continuously making choices based on a clear understanding of who I am when I make them and where I’m headed. I’ve noticed that this literally creates new opportunities for me, and others also come to me with new possibilities. I also see that people now dare to say, ‘I want to stand up for something. Because I see you doing that, and I want to do the same in my role.’”

A real hunk

Over the past two years, Ben has been working hard on his physical health. “Give me a few more pandemics,” he laughs. Ben used that time to turn a long-standing “should” into a “must.” He built his own gym, started working with a trainer, and lost twenty kilos. “In racing, no one performs at the top level while being unhealthy. In business, more is tolerated. But my sport and my company have so many similarities and connections that I view it as a top-level sport.”

During the first few sessions, Ben had to go back to basics. He hadn’t mastered the technique yet, and his range of motion was so limited that even squatting with an empty bar was a challenge. “Two years ago, I started training with a former commando. A real hulk of a guy. Now I’ve surpassed him in almost every aspect of fitness. That gives me a real rush, but I do notice that there are patterns that try to pull me back. During lockdown, for example, you can’t go out to eat, so it’s easier to stick with it. But those triggers come back, and in those moments I have to remind myself that I’m the fittest version of myself.”

His gym isn’t just for his own use. “I work out with my girlfriend Ellen,” says Ben. “It was so good for our relationship that at one point I thought: what if I made this available to my friends?” Ben opened the doors to his closest friends and invited them to bring their partners. “And that’s how I see the relationships in my group of friends being strengthened too. I think it’s important to take a stand for the people around me. It doesn’t feel like an act, but rather very natural. And that’s how I approach my family and the people in my company as well.”