Luitjens Retail was originally founded in 1976 and consists of six buildings in Axel’s main shopping district. The latest addition is a beautifully renovated church that serves as a restaurant, aptly named “Family.” In 2008, there was a changing of the guard at the family-owned business in Zeeland. Eldest son Daniël Luitjens took on the responsibility of renovating every building in the center within two weeks. He successfully achieved his goal. “I had carefully prepared my speech on paper,” says Daniël Luitjens about the opening of the renovated center. Family, friends, acquaintances, and business associates were present at the event. “Just as I was about to step up to the microphone to give my speech, my father suddenly spoke up,” says Daniël. “He talked about what I had accomplished over the past few years and how incredibly proud he was of it. He wanted to seize the moment to officially announce that he was stepping back and passing the baton to me.”

Daniel’s father handed over control of the company to his son at that moment. “When your father says things like that about you, it’s one of the most wonderful things you can experience. He didn’t do that very often, so that made the moment even more special.” According to Daniel, this way of communicating is also characteristic of his relationship with his two sisters. “We don’t constantly compliment each other or talk about our feelings all the time. We just do what’s necessary to achieve the best overall result.”

The Difference Between "Sweet" and "Nice" vs. "Friendly"

Daniël runs Luitjens Retail with his younger sisters, Barbara and Mirjam Luitjens. They are equal partners, each holding an equal share of the company. When asked if there is a clear leader, they respond decisively with the same answer: it’s Daniël. “He’s the visionary and the driving force,” says Mirjam—the middle sister of the three. “Daniël looks ahead. He thinks about where we’re going and what we need to do to get there.” According to Barbara, his leadership is mainly expressed through taking the initiative. “He takes the lead in everything,” she says. “He does ask for our opinions, but he’s the one who takes the lead. It’s always been that way.” This division of roles is openly discussed among the three of them.

Barbara is in charge of administration and finances. She also oversees maintenance for all the stores. Like Daniël, the youngest sister started working in the company at a young age and gradually took on an increasingly important role. Mirjam, who first ran her own business and only later joined the family business, focuses on human resources, marketing, and the customer experience. Mirjam: “Daniël and I brainstorm well together and complement each other. However, I can’t chart the course on my own; I need his input first. And then we can build on that together.”

The openness about responsibilities within the company ensures that conflicts rarely arise. When people keep being nice to each other for long enough without communicating honestly, there always comes a point when things come to a head. The result: irritations, disagreements, and often poorer results. Daniël: “People who are always sweet and nice are pretending to be someone they’re not. The problem is that people almost always see right through that. As a result, you aren’t taken seriously, which isn’t workable in a leadership position.”

The three Luitjens agree that the dynamics within their company are crystal clear. And they talk about it openly. Problems arise when there is ambiguity or insincerity; for example, when it has been agreed that partners share equal responsibility for the company’s future, but this is not lived up to in practice.

“The three of us have very different personalities,” says Daniël. “Barbara prefers to work behind the scenes. Mirjam tends to take the lead more often. And I have an even more prominent presence. It’s a kind of three-tiered dynamic.” The fact that they hold equal shares in the company doesn’t mean they take an equal share of the profits. That, too, has been clearly defined and agreed upon. “We keep it very simple: responsibility is built into the salary,” says Daniël. “So the salaries aren’t the same. I found it difficult to have that conversation at the time, because then it suddenly becomes about money.” For Daniël, that was the hardest moment since he started his business. “I said honestly at the time: ‘We’re equals, but the one who takes on the most responsibility also gets the most in return.’”

“Daniel’s statement probably won’t be perceived as very nice, but it is friendly and very practical. In practice, business partners rarely speak honestly about their relationships with one another. This is often because people don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings and want to be liked. Ultimately, this actually leads to ambiguity and friction. Additionally, you can only give each other effective feedback if everyone in the conversation is an owner. And that is by no means always the case. Owners are tolerant of feedback; victims are resistant to it. Victims will interpret feedback as an attack and start to protect themselves, for example by going on the defensive or ignoring the message. When entrepreneurs are able to take ownership, be honest, and listen to one another, it helps their relationship and their business move forward. Even if that isn’t always easy.”

Johan van der Put, Straight-Line Coach

The Difference Between Commitment and Just Trying

Mirjam and Daniel’s relationship had been marked by conflict in the past. This tension meant that Mirjam didn’t join the family business until years later. “They used to argue a lot,” says Barbara. According to Mirjam, the conflict with her brother also affected the rest of the family. “It was a difficult time for my mother. She often asked herself, ‘How are we ever going to get through this?’”

Mirjam therefore decided not to run Luitjens Retail with her brother and sister. It was a commitment she knew she wasn’t prepared to make. She moved to Rotterdam, got married, and started several fitness businesses. “Daniël and Barbara had taken over the family business together, and I always said I didn’t want to get involved,” says Mirjam. “That was even put in writing. I had made that choice because our relationship was too important to me, and I didn’t want to jeopardize it. I didn’t know how things would play out in situations where we disagreed.”

Still, Mirjam changed her mind in the summer of 2013. A conversation with Daniël led her to turn her life around and make a new commitment. His display of leadership made her see things differently. “It all happened in the space of half an hour,” Mirjam said. “It was bizarre.” At the time, Daniël was celebrating his birthday in the garden of his home. “I had come from Rotterdam with my husband to attend his birthday party. Daniël told me his plans for the future of Luitjens Retail. For example, he was going to buy a vacant church in Axel and convert it into a restaurant. At that moment, something started stirring inside me. I thought: it’s not just about retail; his vision reaches much further.” At that moment, Mirjam decided she wanted to be part of the company and her brother’s future plans. Mirjam: “After talking with Daniël, I knew: I want to go back to Axel.” According to Daniël, this decision at the time had to do with the way he actually articulated his plans.

The next day, Mirjam drove back to Axel to talk to her brother. “She stopped by my office on Monday morning,” Daniel says of the moment his sister reached out to him. “And she asked me if she could join the company. I didn’t hesitate for a moment. Ultimately, I think that’s the most wonderful thing there is—building something powerful with family that you can pass on to the next generation.”

The arguments and conflicts of the past were long gone. Yet the story kept playing in Mirjam’s mind. Daniel: “She said at the time, ‘I’ve always avoided getting involved in the business because we clashed so much in the past. I was afraid I’d get in your way or that we wouldn’t be able to work together.’” However, Mirjam and Daniel were no longer the people they had been back then. “It’s a good thing Mirjam wasn’t in the company for a while,” says Barbara about the period when her older sister was running her own business in Rotterdam. “They’ve both grown tremendously. If Mirjam had joined a few years earlier, it would never have worked.”

“Two commitments were at stake at that moment. First, Daniel’s commitment was evident in the way he spoke; it was clear to Mirjam that her brother wasn’t just winging it, but had a vision for the future. He spoke powerfully and clearly about his goals. Mirjam, on the other hand, was willing to turn her life upside down to help strengthen the family business. She left her job, her life, and her home behind to start over. There was no question of just trying. She had a deep-rooted commitment to a new future.”

Johan van der Put, Straight-Line Coach

Distinguishing Between Agreements and Expectations
Family members think they know each other inside and out. They believe they can predict what the other person is thinking and how they will act. Mirjam: “As a family, it’s even easier to make assumptions about each other because you’ve known each other for so long. You quickly assume: ‘It’ll work itself out. You also don’t voice your expectations, because you think they’re self-evident.” When things remain at the level of expectations and no concrete agreements are made, this leads to disappointment. “It’s often a challenge to speak up and say what you see,” says Mirjam. “It’s harder than, say, with employees. You set high standards for yourself and therefore also for your business partners. That’s good, but it also leads you to make a lot more assumptions about them.” When the three of them started their business together, this happened regularly. There were no clear agreements on paper regarding the division of responsibilities.

Barbara: “If you and your business partners consistently handle the same tasks, you’ll run into a lot of challenges. At certain times, it’s temporarily necessary to work together on the same project. When we opened our new restaurant, we were all there together. But the core responsibilities each of us has must be clear.” Recently, they took another critical look at the division of responsibilities within Luitjens Retail. “Two years ago, responsibilities sometimes overlapped. We’ve adjusted our model again and redistributed all tasks.” This division is the foundation for continuing to work on the business, rather than in the business. Daniël: “When Family first opened, I did everything. From overseeing the renovation to serving customers and tasting recipes. If you don’t establish clear agreements, you quickly fall into doing superficial tasks. I lost focus on my job: leading the company.” These days, Daniël’s role is clear and specific: leading Luitjens Retail and helping it grow.