The following three tools will help you reduce stress in any situation. If you practice the techniques below regularly and with mindfulness, you’ll be able to navigate life with remarkable calm and focus.

Direct observation of events until there is no longer any internal reaction

It is never the events themselves, but the thoughts we have about them that create stress. Stress can only be caused internally. It is our internal reactions that then lead to external actions.

Imagine for a moment that you’re walking down the street at night. Suddenly, a man appears, coming straight toward you. You see the barrel of a gun—and it’s pointed at you. You think: my life is in danger. That thought causes your body to release all kinds of hormones and set processes in motion that help you fight better or flee faster. This reaction is obviously very useful, because you want to survive.

Stress is a mechanism that can sometimes be very valuable. But if we’re honest, how often do we find ourselves in situations where a gun is pointed at us? Never. Much more often, we have thoughts that cause stress, even though that stress doesn’t help save our lives. In fact, those thoughts have a negative impact on our lives. They paralyze us and make us hesitant.

For the vast majority of people, their thoughts run the show instead of them being in control of their own lives. Look around you—in reality, nothing is wrong. No one can cause you stress right now, except yourself. Observe what is actually happening around you—and what isn’t.

Carefully observe your own inner dialogue

You might think that no conversation is taking place here, right now. After all, you’re reading this article in silence. Perhaps you can hear your family talking to each other in the background. Or your colleagues discussing something in the distance. Yet a dialogue is taking place right here and now. And that is the dialogue you’re having with yourself about what you’re reading.

You might be thinking: This is interesting; I want to know more about it. Or: “This is completely useless to me; when is she going to come up with something that’s actually helpful?” Or maybe your thoughts are somewhere else entirely right now. That’s neither right nor wrong; it’s simply what the brain does when it’s untrained. The inner dialogue you have with yourself is either one that brings you peace and clarity, or one that causes you stress and pressure. The difference is subtle, yet enormous.

The big question now is: what should we do with these internal conversations? What should we do with all those voices in our heads?

The answer: absolutely nothing. All you have to do is start recognizing those voices and thoughts. You simply need to become aware of everything that’s going on in your head. Only when you realize that certain thoughts are controlling your life will you have the ability to choose.

The thoughts themselves don’t need to go away; it’s just time for most people to wake up and take control of their own lives, regardless of what all the voices in their heads are telling them.

Personal grounding exercises: a bag of money

Grounded people are more powerful and effective. In today’s world, however, we are less grounded than ever. We are almost constantly lost in our own thoughts, and that is precisely what allows our minds to run wild. Stress can easily take hold and keep growing.

The good news is that you can ground yourself at any moment. At any time of day, you can step out of your head and into your body. Your body is in reality, where water is wet and stones are hard. It is in that reality where you can be effective and make things happen. And the more often you ground yourself, the better it works. For instructions on how to perform this simple exercise, listen to this live broadcast from the Black Swan Project.

Looking back now, Stephan is grateful for the opportunity he was given in December 2019. Call it a blessing in disguise. “That acquisition was supposed to be the easy path to a big pile of money. In the end, this path is definitely not the easy one. But now I’m really playing a game. And it’s a game that gives me much more joy and energy.”

Exercise

In the center of a large sheet of paper, write down an event that causes you stress. Now observe the thoughts that come to mind. Continue to observe and focus on the event that triggers these thoughts, and pay attention to your stories and thoughts. Then write these thoughts down on the sheet of paper and see them for what they are: thoughts, rather than reality.

Do the exercise for at least ten minutes. Then set the sheet of paper aside, sit comfortably, and briefly feel your feet on the floor, your buttocks against the chair, and the pen in your hand. Focus on the here and now. Ask yourself this simple question: What is the most important and powerful action I can take right now to move my business and my life forward?